Hole
I haven't written in awhile, and in truth, I've only felt like writing once or twice. Things have progressed in this struggle. My mother is now ten days away from moving out -- officially. Her lease starts in 7 days, but as always, she's eking out as much as she can from this "arrangement". Leading up to this moment, I spent weeks literally fuming. In front of my Gohonzon, I was entertaining thoughts of screaming, violence or worse. There were times I had to physically stop myself from going into her room to wake her up by yelling, only of course I realized that merely made me the bully. I acted on nothing more severe than some strongly worded, aggravated text messages, but even that - and the angry daimoku - in the end made me feel worse. (I write this in full acknowledgement I have an OCD condition that makes me fear I will do something awful. It is that condition that makes my thoughts feel more real, more i...